Sunday, December 16, 2012

Face the fear

Today a fellow bereaved mom, still fresh in her grief posted about holding a baby for the first time since her son passed away.  She shared her fears and why she didn't want to hold another baby.  She finished by saying: 
"just know that when you are faced with holding a baby again the sweet innocence they share with you in your moment does help heal a small part of you"
My first time to hold a baby after Ian's death was also healing.  It was only about 2 weeks after Ian passed away.  The niece of a close friend was born the day before Ian - she came to visit while I was there at my friend's house.  My friend asked if I could hold her while they brought some things in from the car.

She was fussy and as soon as I took her into my arms, she quieted down.  I held her close to me and closed my eyes - but only for a moment... it was too easy to pretend that she was Ian.  The mom came in and wondered aloud how I got her to calm down and my friend said "she's a mom with experience!" and then it dawned on everyone how hard it must be for me - I saw it in their eyes.  I looked down at the baby girl and gave her her bottle, then handed her back to mom.  

It was a terrible and blessed experience.  Cathartic, I believe is what they call it.  
It is only through facing our fears and the toughest moments of life, then living to tell about it, that we grow into ourselves.

Don't stop - there's lots more good stuff...

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