Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Sock Massacre of 2011

In an unprecedented unilateral move, the Giger Laundry Authority virtually eliminated the sock population.  When asked to explain her actions, Mrs. Giger declined to comment on the record.  It is rumored that the home executive was teetering on the brink of collapse from what the source referred to as "laundry overload".

Sources tell us that Mrs. Giger was spotted at a local discount store purchasing replacement socks for the entire family.  The only socks that seem to have escaped her wrath are the the recently added baby socks, even though they have huge potential for becoming mismatched.  Mismatched socks are the leading cause of "laundry overload", followed closely by finding still-folded clothes in the laundry pile.

As you can see in these exclusive photos, the Laundry Authority has been operating at maximum capacity.
Sources tell us that clean folded laundry often sits unattended for days or weeks at a time.
This mountain of clean laundry is rivaled only by the tower of still-to-be-washed laundry.
When asked to comment on the carnage, Mr. Giger only replied "I plead the fifth."  Our insiders have lead us to believe that this is due, in part, to his contribution to the problem.  College roommates confirm that "back in the day" Mr. Giger was fond of shopping, rather than washing his dirty clothes.  Given his proclivity for mens fashion, this trend may have continued into his married life.  He has been seen recently with socks ranging in hues from light tan to deep brown, in addition to the standard black, grey and navy.  These socks were also patterned, each differentiated only enough to drive a sock-matching person to wits' end.  In an odd twist of fate, these maddening socks were spared the wrath.

Here, socks huddle together, hoping to survive the decimation.  Daylight would show that their hopes were in vain.
Another major contributor to the sock population is the only daughter.  She is on record as being a fashionista, previously requiring socks to match each outfit.  She is currently recovering from this addiction at an undisclosed location.  Her publicist released this statement: "Ms. Giger is fully aware of the consequences of her actions.  She has accepted the fact that she will now be required to wear only white socks with the label in purple.  Ms. Giger also has reserved the right to increase her sock wardrobe when she is living on her own and/or fully in charge of her own Laundry Authority."

The oldest son is somewhat innocent, owing to the fact that his socks become worn out so quickly that they have already met their demise.  The toddler was a minor contributor.  He was recently spotted with matching white socks on each hand proclaiming himself to be "Mickey Mouse".  We were unable to reach The Magic Kingdom for confirmation.  Mrs. Giger's own socks fell victim to the clean-sweep.  They were so aged they barely stood a chance.

Don't stop - there's lots more good stuff...

Related Posts with Thumbnails